I am so sick of being sick!!!  I don’t usually all out vent/whine/complain very often, but I’m frustrated as all hell.  I’m exhausted, and I’m worried I won’t be well enough to go back to work on Monday.  😦

A cold turns into pneumonia and fungal infection and then possible occult rejection landing me in the hospital for 3 weeks and out of work for a month.  I want to throw my head back and howl.  All of this has really opened my eyes to the fact that I am indeed a patient.  I am no longer a healthy person.

This morning Gina took me to labs, and my progress was discouraging.  Granted I didn’t sleep very well last night, but somehow I had expectations in my head that I would do much better than when I went to labs on Monday.  Don’t get me wrong… it was easier, but not as easy as I had wanted.

Everything takes so freakin slow and moving at ‘normal’ speed feels like running a marathon.  Time seems to be flying by with what seems to be little progress.  My morale is starting to go with every exertion.  Must keep perspective… must keep perspective… SIGH

AND if I hear one more word about the damn swine flu I’m going to go bizerk.  If I get the swine flu or the MRSA superbug you may as well make plans for my funeral.  I know I’m being dramatic, but this does not bode well for the immunosuppressed.

On a positive note, my labs from Monday came out well.  My white blood count is back down, and my tac level is back down.  They didn’t call me about today’s labs so I’m taking that as a good sign.  I have a CT Scan and clinic visit scheduled next Thursday.  Hopefully by then I will be breathing w/out O2 and the films will show much improvement.

Must take deep breaths.  Literally.