No more denying the truth.  I am not ready to go back to work.  There.  I said it. 

sigh

Here’s something crazy – Last night I had the most ridiculous dream about Dr. Hoopes!  In all this time I have never dreamed about Dr. Hoopes.  Ever!  Perhaps my subconscious was telling me to suck it up and accept that I am still in recovery.

I really thought I’d be ready to go back to work in the new year.  Since the fall I’ve been aiming for February 1st as my return to work date.  Unfortunately that’s not gonna happen.  The muscle/joint pain I went through in October and November really set my lungs back and then to top it all off pneumonia kicked in and my lungs felt like I was starting all over again.

Recovery is so much harder the second time around.  After first transplant I went back to work in 4 months with no problem.  Right now I’m over 6 months out from second transplant and it feels like it’s just been 2.  I’m so frustrated with the slow progress.  It feels like I’m never gonna get back to ‘normal’ again.  I know, I know…  there is no such thing as ‘normal,’ and I will never be back to how it was cause I’m only running on one lung, but really…. I just want to feel ‘normal’ again!  Is that so much to ask for?

My entire left side/second surgery site/torso has been really tight and bothering me the last couple of weeks.  I hope that’s a sign of healing.  The tightness comes and goes as it pleases.  I’ve also been more reliant on oxygen and coughing more this past month.  Ugh.  I know i’ve said it a million times over, but let me reiterate – recovery SUCKS.  I have clinic on Thursday.  Maybe they’ll have something enlightening to say.  (Insert cynicism here.)

Right now we’re looking into the whole mess of long term disability and insurance.  Short term disability and COBRA ends at the end of March of this year, but you have to be disabled for two years to qualify for medicare insurance w/out having to liquidate accounts.  The question then becomes what happens to my insurance coverage between when COBRA ends and long term disability kicks in.  There is so much paperwork involved it’s a bit ridiculous.

On a whole different note, I’m excited about 2 very mundane things.  One, I discovered Amazon.com’s mp3 download section.  I’ve always bought my music from the iTunes store without even thinking about other options.  For Christmas I got a gift certificate to Amazon.com so I went to their website to look at Kindle books and found the mp3 store.  To top it all off they have a deal right now where if you purchase any album that’s $7.99 or more you get a free $5 album!    Two, I joined audible.com.  Yay!  You get a free book when you sign up and one book credit a month as you go along.  I LOVE audio books!  Knitting + audio books = happiness.

Yesterday Elizabeth took me to Cirque du Soleil’s Ovo for my birthday present.  I say it again…  it is amazing what the human body is capable of.  Some of the things the performers did was just amazing and oh so unnatural.  This was my first Cirque show and impressive it was.  If you get a chance to go in your area, I would highly recommend it.

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